It’s drizzling in Tallinn but strangely enough, it doesn’t feel overly cold as it usually does.
As we walk through the city in the darkness of 2 am, Miguel and I laugh loudly and recall all the many memories we’ve made together over the last year.
The endless nights of dancing, the music that has been so important to us, the craze of catching a sun that never sets during Summer, all the magic people we’ve shared. It’s been a wonderful time.
A wave of happiness and contentment takes over my whole body. I’ve loved it here, I’ve loved this night, and I love him.
I’m happy and grateful for the life I’ve lived in this world. If I had to die at this very moment, I’d be okay with that.
We take a quick stop to feel the tiny droplets slowly soak into the skin of our faces, and we continue laughing; he feeds me a piece of his donut; I share my Oreos with him.
He doesn't know this yet but no bigger show of love is possible for me than sharing my Oreos.
He knows I care about him, but I confirm it to myself as I generously pass him two of my precious cookies, and my smile doesn’t wipe off of my face.
It's strange to think X was right.
It is so easy for me to be completely, utterly, and irremediably happy. Any moment of joy can push me to the edge of ultimate gratitude, any situation can make me feel like I could die, and I'd be fine with that. Like that tiny climax was the point of my entire existence. Like any good moment is a good enough excuse to resort to an ending. I’m always thinking of endings.
If I live though- I now know I want to live like this, I know I’d always want to be surrounded by people like Miguel.
The subtle comfort his company provides me with, the all encompassing understanding of who we are as humans and how valuable our friendship is to each other.
That’s all I want. If I live long enough to be old, I’d like to be old like that.